Week 3 - Editors Block and the End of the World
On Fear, Editing and Apocalypse Bingo
The past few years have been hard on everyone.
From Covid-19 and the threat of imminent death to political insanity and the now very likely possibility of all-out war, there never seems to be a moment's rest. This constant oppressive sense of ‘the world is f**ked’ has been so influential in day-to-day life that the collective mental health of society has reached an all-time low. And not in a fun way.
This past week has been a very mixed bag for me. I got the chance to head home over the weekend. I saw my family, a fantastic performance of Les Mis (Honestly amazing), and even got the chance to meet up with some friends and enjoy a real pub gig for the first time in years. It was nice. Really nice. But the storm, that tail end of a hurricane, well it had to go and make things complicated.
The flight back was honestly one of the most anxiety-inducing and scary experiences I have ever had in the air. Tipping and tilting as the plane bounced around like a toddler’s block, I felt my stomach flip at least a dozen times. And while I was sitting there, in this giant metal bird, hurtling through the sky, I couldn’t help but wonder. Why aren’t I terrified?
It was like this hole had opened in my head and I just felt… empty. Hollowed out by fear, and worn down, as though this was just another thing. This morning, when I got the news about Russia and Ukraine, it happened again. That hole, it just swallowed everything and left me paralysed, but there was no fear, just a sense of ‘of course,’ a sense that it was all just inevitable. And to be honest, that scares me more than anything else could. I have become so hollowed out by constant fear that I am tired of it all.
Back when I started writing A&C Ash was a character that spoke to me. She had pain in her past, pain that ate away at her made her angry and scared and tired, all at the same time. I tried to portray that, to show my readers her complex and painful emotions, but I fell short. Instead of a whirlwind Ash became hollow, she was reacting externally to the things around her but her internal monologue was flat and empty.
Back then I didn’t really understand her. I thought I did, but that showed just how little I knew. I know that the past few years haven’t an inch on the battles Ash has and will face, but I think I’m more equipped now. I’m more aware of the emotional state that comes with the hollow, and therefore more able to portray it.
Would you like to know the secret?
It’s all in the humour.
My friends and I have a pseudo-game going that we refer to as ‘Apocalypse Bingo’. It’s a bit morbid, but it’s a good way of helping to make light of things that would otherwise cause a lot of anxiety. We don’t have cards or lists. But whenever something crazy happens be it murder hornets (do you remember those?) or hurricanes in the UK, or as is quite topical, World War 3, we ask each other, ‘Did you have that for Apocalypse Bingo?’ It usually starts a discussion about the insanity of the day or brings back a dark joke that’s been brewing for a while. Either way, it brings a laugh to an otherwise terrifying situation.
To add to it all, this week and its terror have come with a nice side helping of editor’s block (Whoopee!). Keeping me stuck at the opening of part 2 and staring at a scene that I have rewritten at least a dozen times. Maybe it’s fine, maybe it doesn’t need anything, but I’ll give it another try next week. If anyone has any suggestions for their best ways to get past a block, please drop me a line in the comments or through the Facebook Page, I’d love to hear from you.
Either way, see you all next week! Hopefully at our usually scheduled time with some usually scheduled content.